My second set at this particular show.

It’s the first time I’ve done this bit on stage in over a year.  Felt pretty good.  So I’m sharing:

PS: This audio clip is my first production made in FCPX.  A rousing success!  How will it stand up to additional experiments, with picture?  Stay tuned!

So I’m getting ready this morning for MaxFunCon (3D!) and what happens?  The delivery truck shows up with my Apple Design Award!  They brought it on a flatbed, so all the neighbors knew what it was pretty much immediately.

Once the movers left, I had to go grab my camera to show you guys:

Giving my award a hug:

Unfortunately, because there’s a step to enter the house, the movers had to leave it outside.  Something about their contract. It’s bloody heavy.

Actually, I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to get it into the house.

I’m in a hurry this morning, to do airport runs and then get everyone out to the ‘Con, so I’ll just have to figure it out when I get back, I guess.  I hope my roommates aren’t going to be mad.  I had to just put it on a cinder block so it doesn’t kill as much of the lawn.

Apparently, one of my hobbies lately has been writing most of a new post and then saving it and then not finishing it at all.  But what I wish my hobby had been lately is…

Polluting bittorrent trackers with copies of films that are indistinguishable from the original.  Except that I’ve gone through and replaced any existing titles with virtually identical titles that match in content and size, motion, function, etc.  And they’re in some asinine typeface like Mead Bold.

I’d sneak my way on to trackers under a variety of addresses and accounts, seed my copies of popular movies, and vanish into the night!

This would work especially well on movies where the title doesn’t display until the very end of the film.  It’d be hard to check for, and make a lot of piratey people swear.

I can’t quite decide if it’s better on a serious movie or a ridiculous movie:

I like the laziness of this one:

And I suppose this was a given:

Mr. Hodgman recommends 30 minutes of writing.  I got a bit of a late start, but 22 minutes is like a network half-hour of writing.

For your Convenience, A List of Popular Cardboard Box Manufacturers of the Victorian era, in order of preference of the throne:

• Henry Handsome’s Handsome Hardy Boxes, LTD
• East India Boxworth & Son Co.
• Jeff’s Single Large Box Enterprise
• Martin Luther’s 95 Original Box Sizes
• Lafayette’s Perfumed Boxerie
• Thaddeus’s Famous Cardboard
• Driptight Sealweather Solid Box Industries
• Omnidyne Modern Boxes
• Microsoft not-from-the-future BoxCo.
• The Rootin’ Tootin’ American Cardboard Boxes of Mr. Samuel C. Houston
• Chulmsby & Horne Boxes of Swiss Design
• Fred’s Ordinary Corrugation Box System
• August Anderson’s Fantastic Fireproof Paper Safes
• J. Josiah Joseph’s Giant Cardboard Contraptions and also Boxes
• Ford
• Cardboard Containers by Henrietta
• The Blacksmith’s Buddy(, as seen in The Strand!)
• Hope Chests by Alan Crest
• Cage’s Cages
• Burford Blameswatter’s Cureall Cardboard Combinations
• The Old English Box Manufacturer of Sussex
• Horrace Rigben
• Herman, Homson, & Goat
• Cobbler’s Union #722 local
• Aberdeen Magnificent Boxenmacher
• Mosey Kinds Creedy Boxes
• John Wilkes Box
• The Second Original Church Street Box Foundry
• Bouxchard’s
• Smithchester Leeches Chests and Rock Tumblers, LLC
• Irregular Box Builders of Iverness
• A Box For Your Worries Box Shop
• The Rose & Cardboard Box Tavern
• Boxes and Boxes of Sedition
• The Anti-Imperial Box Corporation of “London”

Don’t kid yourself, we’re living in the future over here.

Think of that storage!  How many times could you store the data of your first hard drive on, for instance, your phone?  Crazy.

It’s not like I’ve operated a punch card computer here, but the rate at which neat stuff passes us by is fantastic. (Although, as Louis CK reminds us, we’re still not happy.)

I noticed it today as I sometimes do – in an electronics store.   And not for the first time. It’s happened to me before, in a gamestop, when an employee was trying to describe the then-elusive and sold-out classic controller accessory for the Wii.  Because I’m very helpful, I jumped in and said it looks just like a Super Nintendo controller.  Yeah, says the clerk, but with sticks.  Kid customer turns to me then.  ”What’s that?”  What’s what?  ”What’s a Super Nintendo?”  Right.  I’ll just be going now.  Can’t be late for the bus back to the retirement center or I’m stuck in gamestop for a week.

Today, it was by my lonesome, in a Best Buy, checking out camcorders.  And for around $100, I can get a thing that fits in my pocket and shoots 1080p. That’s one hundred United States Dollars.  That’s crazy.  And I considered it briefly.  It’d be just fine to shoot some shorts for the internet, and I could do some post trickery and make it look perfectly usable – more than youtube needs, anyhow.  The hardest part would be trying to get actors to take it seriously when it’s sitting on its tiny tripod.  The SVHS shoulder mounted monstrosities I shot on at SCTV weighed a ton, but at least you had an air of authority during an interview.

And even then, what I was doing was more or less a technological miracle!  This used to be so hard – at least by comparison.  It used to require taking dozens of actual photographs per second!  You had to wait until Thomas Edison invented a way to develop your film before you could even see what you’d shot!  And what do we do with all this completely amazing stuff?  Well, we do the exact same thing humans have been doing with motion picture technology for the past 120 years.  If only Étienne-Jules Marey and his big luxurious beard could see what he’d started….

My goodness the internet is lazy.  Just because a meme ends like 5 years ago, all of a sudden we don’t see every permutation of it or something?

Well Fiestacat is still getting my vote LONG BEFORE hypnotoad EVER does!

FiestaObama

The delightful Mystery Science Theater 3000 is twenty-one Earth years of age.  And, as a citizen of the United State of Minnesota, it’s now old enough to drink.

In order to celebrate, the good, kind, friendly people of DAPCentral’s IRC channel have prepared a list of MST-themed drinks to be served at your MST-themed drinking parties.  Thanks and credit go to the likes of Minstrel, SoRefined, Candover, Moogle, Rhesus, Rumm,  and Fnord.

• Go ahead and start with a Killer Shrew.
• Ring of Terror – vodka, lime and angostura bitters in tonic water and over ice.
• Catalina Caper  - KeKe Beach, rum, and mango juice.
• Space Mutiny – Blue curacao with a raspberry vodka float.
• Screaming Skull – Scotch, dry vermouth, triple sec with a twist of lemon.
• The High School Bigshot – induces suicidal tendencies, so the recipe is not reproduced here, for your own safety.

When indulging in a night of MST-Shots, it is customary to set out a ‘Torgo,’ which is a shotglass of coffee.  The Torgo is not consumed however, it is merely set out in anticipation of the Master.

• What goes in a Gamera? – Turtle Meat!  Turtle Meat and 151.  On fire.  Served neat, of course.
• A Laserblast?  - That’s gin and grapefruit juice.
• The Eegah – a simple, single shot of Jeppson’s Malort.
• The Monster-a-Go-Go is a drink that results in you being found several miles away, naked, and of normal size.
• A Devil Doll – is a kind of ham daquiri.  Or porquiri, if you will.

I don’t drink very often myself, but I do like a good Prince of Space.  In fact, I like it VERY MUCH.

• Invasion of the Neptune Men – Tarantula tequilla and raw fish, served in a short glass.
• The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed Up Zombies – was based on a drink, actually.
• Master Ninja – comes in two variations.  One is a california sake with a beer back.
• The Leech Woman – Irish whiskey and Red Bull.
• The Squirm – is typically served with a curly straw, but don’t eat the garnish.
• Track of the Moon Beast – is a very old drink, and is made from chicken…corn…green peppers…onions…and tequila!

The Riding With Death, with a high volume of Wild Turkey, is an extremely mellow and delicious beverage, but it tends to reappear later in the night, much to your regret.

Unfortunately, although every bartender we consulted had heard of it, not one could track down a recipe for the Robert Denby.

• Adam Chance – Absinthe with an aluminum foil twist.
• Bart Fargo – A drink developed for peaceful purposes, the Bart Fargo is surprisingly jazzy and smooth, and ordered by the dozen.
• The Starfighter – Starts off as a simple scotch & soda, but the bartender keeps adding more soda while you’re working on it.
• The Alien from LA – Malibu with a vegemite garnish.
• The Mitchell – Just a shot and a beer.  The shot is melted butter.

It goes without saying, the Agent Double 007 is stirred, not shaken.

• Red Zone Cuba – The opposite of a Cuba Libre, so…sprite and vodka.
• Cavedweller – Boilermaker served in a leather mug.
• The Thing That Just Couldn’t Die –  is a spanish wine aged in a hat box with a stick and black powder infusion.
• The Human Duplicator – A double shot.  The first is tequila in a holey condom.  The second, tequila again, with a condom floating in it.  (See?  It’s reversed.)
• Puma Man – Brown ale with agave nectar and benadryl, onion slice garnish.
• Future War – a bloody mary served in a melted candle with a plastic dinosaur garnish.

Manos is not actually a drink, it’s the name given to the round of applause given to the person who can stay awake for 90 minutes after drinking The Master without touching the Torgo.

• Brute Man – Grape juice and everclear, served with a chicken wing.  Of TOMORROW!
• Posture Pals vary in content by region, but they’re always served straight up.
• Touch of Satan – Raspberry chocolate martini with a rock and a goldfish.
• A Last Clear Chance – A Boilermaker with Gentle Pressure.
• Horror of Party Beach – A Long Island Iced Tea with hotdog in it.  Salt on the rim, naturally.

A Bride of the Monster is just about any drink as long as you’re lonely and slow when you drink it.

• Attack of the Eye Creatures – A delightful themed drink sampler in which every drink has just a kiss of nougat!
• A Sampo – is the perfect choice for a classy lady looking for something to wear on a night out of MST-boozin’.
• Incredible Melting Man – A glass of Bailey’s served in a dribble glass.
• The Giant Leech – Sucks.  Not worth making.  (High-fives all around!)
• A Tormented – Champagne and seaweed.
• The Rosdower – A tidal wave of kahlua!
• The Mr. B Natural – Just seltzer. With an LSD Chaser.

And the Beatnik is always the final drink of the night – it killed that fat barkeep!

Wow.  Just… wow.  This one took an hour or two.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I don’t think I can ever love you.
Stranger: why not
You: too strange.
Stranger: what do u want to do then
You: I’m not opposed to a civil union, for the tax and insurance benefits as much as anything.
Stranger: north korea
You: and maybe, in time, love will come, but it’s got a long road ahead.
Stranger: china?
You: Also: separate beds. You snore a lot, and you were never a satisfying lover.
You: I’m sorry to unload these, well, blunt truths all at once, but the therapist says it’s the only way.
Stranger: are u crazy
You: If not for the kids, I think I would have left you in the 1980s.
Stranger: danm your old
You: After that thing with you and the stewardess.
Stranger: she was hot
Stranger: do u love samuel l jackson?
You: damn you terry! damn you! why couldn’t you ever say -I- was hot?
You: always with that stewardess!
Stranger: im sorry but i knew u had a thing for samuel
You: And don’t think that I don’t know you put our son up to suggesting we name the dog lacey. He just -happened- to come up with her name when we were naming the beagle?
You: are you kidding me, terry?
Stranger: i love beagles
Stranger: i use to have one
Stranger: it ran away
You: It was a good dog, but I hated it so much because of you.
Stranger: why
Stranger: beagles are so good
You: As if you didn’t know!
Stranger: i loved our beagle
You: It never ran away, Terry. It’s buried under that stupid “time capsule” you put in the back yard.
You: If only you loved me the way you loved that damned beagle!
Stranger: but jen
Stranger: i love u
You: don’t you ‘but jen’ me!
Stranger: jen please
You: it’s always the same with you!
Stranger: stop doing this to me
You: oh, that’s rich, I’m the one doing this to you now?

You: I suppose I’m the one making you run around with that tramp on the third weekend of every month then?
Stranger: but i always gave u what you wanted
You: I didn’t want all that bullshit, I wanted a husband!
Stranger: how did you know
Stranger: i am your husband
Stranger: i gave you everything!
Stranger: cars, jewelry, i put food on your table!
You: I wanted someone who would spend time with the kids in the evening, I wanted someone who would clean beagle leavings out of the yard, I wanted someone who cared!
Stranger: and I pleased you in bed like how you wanted it
Stranger: Baby, I WORK, i cant spend time with the kids every evening
Stranger: do you want me to quit my job?
Stranger: What did you do? nothing
Stranger: all you did was stay home all day and do who knows what
Stranger: for all i know you could have had someone over
You: I can count every time you tried to ‘please’ me, because we have another mouth to feed for each and every one!
You: our so-called sex life is old enough to vote!
You: And terry: I -never- cheated on you.
Stranger: so you were acting? i thought u enjoyed are sex life
You: And you know what’s worse? I wish I had!
You: “Don’t sink down to his level” they told me.
You: “Make him rise to yours” they said. What a load of trash!
Stranger: Your friends are stupid
You: oh, and the poker club is some kind of brain trust?!
Stranger: i have a secret
Stranger: your friend jessica….
Stranger: she jumped on me…
You: pshh, who hasn’t she jumped on? All the more reason the separate beds are a good idea.
You: I knew she’d done it when I saw you scratching more than usual.
Stranger: you probably have it too…
You: the hell I do!
Stranger: you do, i saw you shave it off
You: more proof you don’t know what the hell is going on down there.
You: I don’t even do your laundry in our washer anymore. I don’t need the kids getting a nasty surprise like that.
You: And speaking of surprises, that bottle of scotch was for my dad’s birthday next month.
Stranger: well your dad is a jackass and he doesnt deserve scotch
Stranger: he deserves shitty beer
You: if you’re going to take it, at least have the balls to own up to it, It’s pretty obvious when the wax seal is broken.
Stranger: Yes I drank it
You: and it’s just your damn money that’s going to go to a fresh bottle anyway.
Stranger: so what big deal
You: the “big deal” is that you’re going around with your ’8 months sober’ pin and it’s a damned lie
You: …as anyone who has been in a room with you and that breath can tell in an instant.
You: it makes a mockery of the program, is what it does.
You: I wouldn’t be surprised to see you’re back into the nosecandy again too.
Stranger: im cutting off your funds
You: Is THAT why you don’t want me to see the bank accounts anymore?
Stranger: I GOT FIRED
Stranger: okay
Stranger: there secrets out
Stranger: i didnt know how to tell you
Stranger: bank funds? there are no bank funds
You: I could tell two months ago when they bulldozed your old office, you bastard!
You: you coward!
Stranger: and you still buy the kids barbies and toys left and right
Stranger: and you come home with shopping bags
You: if YOU can pretend, and YOU can still drive 28 miles each day as though you’re roundtripping to the office, then SO CAN I!
Stranger: WHERE do you get this money?
Stranger: i NEED to know one thing… its samuel isnt it
You: bah, who needs money? Barbie wants to be free.
You: And I told you – I DIDN’T CHEAT!
You: I could’ve. Oh MAN, I could’ve, but I didn’t!
Stranger: U NEVER told me where that disgusting THING came from on your upper lip
You: Terry, that’s a birthmark.
Stranger: That is no birthmark
Stranger: DONT BS with me
You: show a little class for once, yeah? I’ve had it since you’ve known me.
Stranger: A birthmark does not suddenly appear overnight
You: Get out the yearbook, it’s always been there.
Stranger: What about you shaving?
You: What ABOUT my shaving?
Stranger: We havent had sex in months
You: damn straight we haven’t. And you’re not getting anywhere near me since that Jessica nonsense.
You: It’s not like Rhonda, Rhoda, Seamus, and Eamonn need another little sibling anyhow.
Stranger: why would you shave
You: It makes me feel beautiful, okay? It makes me feel young, and desirable, and like a woman
You: like all the things you DON’T make me feel!
Stranger: I GAVE you everything you wanted?
Stranger: I DID didnt I
You: NO!!!!
Stranger: I am taking the kids to my moms
You: What you gave me was gin. And a ride home after the football game. And Rhoda.
Stranger: I cant have the kids live with such a crazy monster like you
Stranger: Rhoda was your fault you danm hoe
You: That whore? MY children aren’t going anywhere near her place, and you sure as HELL aren’t taking them out of state! I’ll call the cops!
Stranger: YOU ruined my COLLEGE education
Stranger: I HAD TO DROP OUT becuase of you
You: You ruined my high school education!
Stranger: WHY did you have to throw yourself onto me
You: You should’ve gone to jail, not to the altar!
You: I’m sure I DIDN’T but if I had to guess, the same gin that kept me from remembering that night probably kept me from being able to stand up straight
Stranger: jen you were a silly hoe in high school
You: you’re out of your mind
Stranger: you even got with mr. jackson, out PE teacher
Stranger: our*
You: Hah! You thought that rumor was about me? That was totally Jen Pora.
You: You wasted your whole life chasing after the wrong skirt!
Stranger: NO that WAS YOU
Stranger: Ms. Hoe, class of 75
Stranger: that was your nickname remember?
You: in your dreams, you horrible he-slut!
You: and anyway, it’s spelled Hoer.
Stranger: Go walk the streets where you belong
You: not like taking YOUR name was so much better.
Stranger: I was an allstar football player in HS and could have gone all the way if it werent for you
You: I’d say you’ve been all the way plenty of times, with and without me.
Stranger: Can we please work this out?
You: You know what Kim told me at mahjong this week? “If a woman sleeps around, she’s called a slut, but what do you call a man that sleeps with anything that moves? Terry!”
You: Believe me, I’d -like- to work it out, I just don’t know how to stop fighting with you.
Stranger: Kim is a slut
Stranger: all your friends are sluts
Stranger: i guess they learned from you
You: See?
You: THIS is why we can’t work it out!
You: Why would you say something like that?
Stranger: Because you always start these fights
Stranger: Why cant you just stop
You: Is it the booze again? Are you on the booze?
You: You know there are 12 steps in AA right? Don’t you ever wonder about the back 11?
Stranger: I AM NOT AN ALCHOLIC
Stranger: YOUR FATHER IS
Stranger: AND SAME WITH YOUR MOTHER
You: My FATHER is a WAR HERO, and he deserves all the comfort this nation can afford him!
Stranger: dont give me that go to AA bs
Stranger: if anything you should do AA
You: good god, maybe those back 11 steps can wait, since you clearly are nowhere near mastering step 1
You: I’ll try to let the horrible things you’ve said pass, Terry, because I know you don’t mean them, and I know you don’t even know what you’re saying right now.
Stranger: i knower sorryy baby ive been a horibble husband
Stranger: immdurnk
You: but I’ll tell you, when rhonda and rhoda and seamus and eamonn and I go to mass on sunday, I’ve got half a mind to not even pray for you.
Stranger: your rightt
Stranger: Dont tell the kids whats going on with us
You: the kids aren’t stupid. or deaf.
Stranger: seamus is retarted
You: and eamonn’s almost 13 now. Smurf dolls are no longer an acceptable bribe in exchange for his emotions
Stranger: do you know why? becuase you drank heavily with him in you
You: Seamus is dyslexic, he’s not retarded.
Stranger: WAHT EVER
Stranger: SAME THING
Stranger: HES STUPID BECAUSE OF YOU
You: my real regret was the time I drank heavily with YOU in me.
Stranger: DONT BLAME THE DRANK
Stranger: blame the hoe inside of you
You: Terry, I think you need to calm down
Stranger: I CANT
Stranger: IM PISSED
Stranger: YOU always give me shit
Stranger: I DONT KNOW how long i can take it
You: Well than have some sanka and sober the hell up
You: I’m done with being the neighbors’ entertainment for one night
Stranger: i need to go
Stranger: go out of the country
Stranger: away from you
You: we’re lucky if they haven’t called the cops already, the way you’re yelling
Stranger: i cant stand you
You: Well then call a cab
Stranger: im driving
You: I can’t have you wrecking the Nova
You: I need to be able to drive the kids to school
Stranger: the nova is already a wreck
Stranger: tell them to walk
You: Well at least it still has all its windows, unlike the taurus.
Stranger: i have to go
Stranger: for real lol
You: you keep your lols to yourself, buddy
Stranger: lol this was interesting
You: fine then
You: go
You: and don’t step in beagle leavings on your way out
Stranger: ill be back im going out for a smoke
You: oh great. Great. Now you’re smoking again.
You: I thought we agreed you were stopping.
You: It’s bad for the kids, it’s bad for me, it’s even bad for you.
You: even if I don’t know why I should care about THAT
Stranger: I SMOKE TO relieve the stress you cause me
You: I cause you stress because you SMOKE
You: my kids don’t need that poison in their lungs
Stranger: i dont smoke in front of the kids
Stranger: i would never harm the kids
You: and I don’t need that stink all over my porch, and the clothes you bring in my house
Stranger: where r u from
Stranger: it was a fun talk
Stranger: have a nice day jen i love u

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: should the cock be capitalized?
You: you must be SO lonely
You: poor dear.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: You’re talking to a ‘bot, moron!
Stranger: I am
You: You’re talking to a ‘bot, moron!
Stranger: I don’t believe you
You: You’re talking to a ‘bot, moron!
Stranger: fuck you
You: You’re talking to a ‘bot, moron!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: I don’t have time to chat, I lost my keys.
Stranger: well that blows
You: yeah, I know. I don’t really have time to talk to strangers.
Stranger: o ok then. maybe we can be friends then?
You: I’m sorry. I really do need a friend right now, but I don’t have time to type. I’m looking for those darn keys!
Connection asploded.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: oh crp I jut pilled my drink on the keybord
Stranger: hahahhaha
Stranger: sad
You: the to ro on the left ren’t orking
Stranger: sucks
You: thi i terrible
Stranger: i’m sorry
Stranger: well asl?
You: I till hve hlf pper to rite, too
Stranger: i’m sorry
You: I hve to think of ord ith different letter no
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello!
You: Welcome to the text adventure!
You: Do you want to get on the highway or take surface roads?
You: surface roads are like local sidestreets, but the highway might go to the danger zone!
Stranger: highway!
You: You’re now on the highway.
You: Oh man, it’s backed up for miles!
You: Do you want to turn on the radio or leave it off?
Stranger: Hmm. What kind of car do I have?
Stranger: I want the radio on
You: You’re driving a chevy nova!
You: The radio is on.
Stranger: FFFFUUU
You: Do you want the hard rock music, or the classical birdsongs?
You: Your car advances seven feet.
Stranger: Classical birdsongs. The traffic will stress me out, so the music will have a calming effect
You: You’re listening to classical birdsongs
You: Your car advances seven feet.
You: Suddenly, the music is interrupted!
Stranger: Oh no!
You: An announcer breaks in with a special report!
You: He needs more money to continue the classical birdsongs!
Stranger: Damn.
You: Do you want to pledge at the dollar a day level or the 13 dollars a week bonus gold member level?
Stranger: Gold member, of course
You: Your car advances seven feet.
You: A jogger passes the car.
You: You call the classical birdsong station.
Stranger: Good
You: Suddenly, the battery on your phone explodes!
You: ***you have died***
Stranger: Ah, how unfortunate
You: ***you scored 14 out of a possible 1300 points***
Stranger: twas a good run, though
Stranger: only 14 points, darn
Stranger: thanks for letting me play!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: oi
You: Shhh.
You: don’t say anything
You: let’s just enjoy the moment.
Stranger: sure
Stranger: finish?
You: ssh!
Stranger: sory
You: just take deep breaths, and think of england.
Stranger: yes
Stranger: …..
Stranger:
what I do now?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

So there’s this Omegle thing, which is about the same as the hyperintelligent notArt chat robot from like seven years ago.  Unlike the robot, which secretly connected you with another person also trying to talk to the supposed robot, this service admits that it is connecting you with an arbitrary stranger.  

The important thing to note here is that this service is based on the INTERNET, so certain established theories immediately come into effect.   That being said….

 You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is ‘I’ve just bought a car’ and 10 is ‘Which one of these drinks is mine?’ how lonely would you say you feel right now?
Stranger: hello
You: Please, just a number.
Stranger: 1
You: Ah excellent.
You: You may begin conversation now.
Stranger: yeah
You: Converse at any moment.
Stranger: where are u ?
You: The system is ready for you, you may begin.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is ‘I’ve just bought a car’ and 10 is ‘Which one of these drinks is mine?’ how lonely would you say you feel right now?
Stranger: hellow
You: Please, just a number.
Stranger: english? spanish? portuguese?
You: You may use numerals.
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: but i am brasilian
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is ‘I’ve just bought a car’ and 10 is ‘Which one of these drinks is mine?’ how lonely would you say you feel right now?
Stranger: o
You: I should inform you, time is a factor in calibrating the system.
Stranger: 7
You: That is staggeringly lonely indeed.
You: The system is ready.
You: You may begin a conversation.
Stranger: I will just blade at 45 degrees be fore disenGAGING
You: Feel free to begin a conversation at your discretion.
Stranger: YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY WEAPON!!!!
You: You may start conversing at your leisure.
Stranger: OMG IT SPINS!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS
You: well what are you waiting for?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: …
Stranger: yes
You: …
Stranger: i can make tornados
You: …
Stranger: yea
You: …
Stranger: its true
You: …
Stranger: oh yes
You: …
Stranger: i do not lie
You: …
Stranger: ooooh
You: …
Stranger: gi joe
You: …
Stranger: last one theres a penispump
You: …
Stranger: h
Stranger: ha
You: …
Stranger: i got you
You: …
Stranger: you should of done two i said two things
You: …
Stranger: you fucked up
You: …
Stranger: hahahaha
You: …
Stranger: df
Stranger: s
You: …
Stranger:
You: …
Stranger: see i did 3
You: …
Stranger: assfuck
You: …
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
 You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Ugh, you again.
You have disconnected.

 You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: …
Stranger: hi
You: …
Stranger: are we still on for tonight
You: . . .
Stranger: fuck you
You: . . .
Stranger: fhfhften
Stranger: ntnnth
You: . . .
Stranger: hjtnt
Stranger: tnj
Stranger: njt
Stranger: jn
Stranger: jnhtnj
Stranger: yht
Stranger: jnth
You: . . .
Stranger: jn
Stranger: te
Stranger: jnt
Stranger: jn
Stranger: t
Stranger: thj
Stranger: jnh
Stranger: htmn
You: ia!
You: ia!
Stranger: just log off now
You: fhtagn!
Stranger: ntyn
Stranger: i see you right now
You: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh C’thulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!
Stranger: degyveyeyfeghrugherruhekhefhkujfhjhukjghjfhsjkkgdhgjrethrwkthwjffhrhwkuvthvuhkuvht2rugvh2
You: moo
Stranger: grr
You: mulhaha!
Stranger: up yours
You: zwaHOOOM
Stranger: homo
You: …
Stranger: asl
You: gfy
Stranger: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

You: zoper yaha joejojo
Stranger: are you a guy or girl
You: shub niggurath!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

ou’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: 19/m
You: I -will- win this one.
You: I am a winner.
You: ME
You: Look, I’m winning right now.
Stranger: aw man
Stranger: i lost
You: That’s one for me.
Stranger: eh papi eh pai
You: fhtagn!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: ho money: it’s yo money
You: [denied]
Stranger: what are you son?
You: [EXPLETIVE!]
Stranger: are you a whiteliberal?
You: [OBSCENITY DELETED!]
Stranger: i fart comics
You: [ACTUALLY KIND OF CLEVER RACIAL SLUR OMITTED!]
Your conversational partner has disconnected.